I'd wear matching sweaters with you
stop calling my apartment porn island.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
