Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
