I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
