i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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