It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
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Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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