I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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