I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
