I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
