Tell her she can't have a vagina
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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