I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
