Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
