I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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