just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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