hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
