Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
