Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
