i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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