he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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