i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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