you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
