Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
