My brain says no but my pants say off.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize