Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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