you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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