Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
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What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
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Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?