The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
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He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
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How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle