worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"