I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize