i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I still have a little drunk in my system
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.