He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
