he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
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I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
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I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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