Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
someone owes me an orgasm
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
