someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
