Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
