so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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