i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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