she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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