did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
