found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
