I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
