the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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