The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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