Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
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I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
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Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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