what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
