Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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