Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
