used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
