tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
