he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
