where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
