Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
