I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize