overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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