i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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