i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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