There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
