Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
