what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
me + whiskey = a bad person
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
