i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
