maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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