went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
