I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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